He doesn’t tell me what I want to hear for the sake of comforting or reassuring me.
And yet, the lack of BS and respect for truth has somehow done a better job at making me feel safe than any babytalk ever will. Maybe its something to do with giving me the courage to return the gaze of life’s uncertainties in the eye, and to give that powerful shadowy figure a slight nod of respectful acknowledgement–
instead of always turning to run away on man-paved paths.
I used to want to get away, to go to a world completely different from my own and see what I can learn there. After studying abroad, I had the idea of working internationally for a few years, and then maybe coming back to the United States.
China. Boston. Seattle. New York. Spain. Anywhere.
But now, and I am looking at open job positions I find myself deleting all the posts that are in areas outside of…the Bay.
A year ago, if I find myself saying things like “I don’t know, but I want to stay in the Bay- there’s so much to learn here” I would probably slap myself across the face. What jennytang, are you settled now? Are you cowarding in a comfort zone? What happened to always pushing yourself?
I honestly don’t know. Maybe its because I finally found a community here where I feel safe, valued, and understood. Maybe I found a few people that have managed to touch my heart whom I learned to love.
Man, I am getting soft.
But seriously, should I stay? But I guess the choice isn’t mine- beggars can’t exactly be choosers.