Here’s to you, Arizona. Thank you for the past 2.5 weeks. Its been.. refreshing.
In the beginning of these two weeks, I was an emotional wreck, and accidentally wrecked my hands too. I also said something like this: “I promised myself, that when this largest scab on my hand falls off, I would be emotionally recovered as well.”
The last piece fell off today, the day of my flight back to Cali.
And looking back, within this past month I think I cried harder and more often than I’ve ever done in my life, and had more self-loath, confusion, repressed emotions since high school. However, through some of the most intensive energy and emotional management I’ve ever attempted, I aced all my finals, got a higher GPA than any other college semester, trained myself to be in the better shape than I’ve ever been, got back in-touch with old friends from years ago, started communicating with my family, made some new friends who understood my context, re-familiarized myself with basketball, realized that guys can actually be interested in me (a guy I randomly met in Tucson even tweeted about me?!) . Oh, and decided to be an adult and get a smart phone. 😀
I used to be the girl who would rather arm-wrestle the boy than admit I liked him. I religiously worked out to put up the “piss me off and I’ll kick your ass” image because I knew my (formerly ripped) body would be able to handle physical pain much better than my marshmallow-soft side can handle emotional trauma. Ironically, after this I think I’m a gentler person, because this month I proved to myself that I was able to grow and recover from both types of hurt. I don’t need to put up that front anymore.
So by the pure grace of God for my finals (dude, seriously-grace of God I say), and through the support and distraction of my friends who hear my infinity rants and even more repetitive emotional craziness, I am now recovered.
And to the boy who made this all possible: Thank you. You gave me the perfect context which allowed me to prove to myself that my soft-side was much stronger than I ever thought possible. What happened to me was exactly what I used to be scared of the most. Now that it has finally happened, I am no longer afraid. None of the good things I said above would have ever happened, if it wasn’t for what you’ve done. Best of luck to you, and I can only hope I helped you as much as you helped me.