To become a Giver- negate economics.

Sometime during my second to last week of Europe, when I was CSing through people’s houses, I realized that deep in side, I’m still a very economic (in more colloquial terms, Asian) thinker. The first few times I CSed I always needed to check myself in not completely exploiting their favors (and food), and remind myself that I need to help them and give a little more.

Sometimes I micro-manage every Euro I have. Attempting to get the most while spending the least. The same way of thinking is used on my other resources such as time and energy. While all this is going on, I’m still in the mentality of “I want to be a giver of this world.”

However, any form of economical decision making puts a focus on the utility (what you get out of something). Emphasis on taking. Maximize the stuff you receive, minimize the things you give. And that clashes with the entire spirit of being a self-less giver who helps the world: emphasis output and giving, with almost no attention to what you receive.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying that to become a positive influence on this world people need to completely their way of decision making. But often times whether you are truly capable of selflessness can be reflected upon mini decisions you make. Initially, when I start giving away more spare change to the homeless, or pay a few dollars more for a more sustainable product, I feel guilty for “wasting”. But honestly, what is the value of the item being wasted? Would they not be wasted in some other manner? Do You really need the the extra time/money/energy for yourself and yourself only? More often than not, people find the acts of giving more fulfilling and memorable, than acts of thrift.

Give for the hell of it.
Help someone for the hell of it.
Only when we get ourselves accustomed to the idea of giving is not the same as sacrificing, can there be a more generous spirit in our lives. 

Lesson 1

If life, hurt is inevitable.

We will always accidentally, or purposefully, set ourselves up for it.
And often, there is no culprit–no one at fault, as much as we want there to be. Hell, sometimes there isn’t even a legitimate cause.

(Of course I want there to be an evil-doer, sometimes I get under the impression if I take care of a source of pain, the pain itself will disappear. But then again, life doesn’t work that day, does it?)

The fault is not his, and more importantly, nor ours.

And no matter how much we think we learned form life, the reality is that emotions-especially ones regarding dating-are not exactly solvable. Experience will not help, because this process of opening up and accepting vulnerability will be just as scary each time. Getting hurt sucks just as badly our first time as our last. So don’t even try to master this “game” of which people speak.  We might smooth out our first few steps, and become more perceptive of telltale signals. But once we get past all that romantic fluff, and when we face that raw crucial moment–of truly caring and allowing ourselves to become vulnerable, we are all clueless amateurs.

For me, I realized that all I can do is to be like the little guys in video games.

Take the pain, pray for grace, get up, keep walking. We learn and hopefully we change our strategy, but the most important thing is that we continue. Because the game will continue, hurt will continue, but we cannot stop.
Hurt sucks, but it will happen again and again. But in the video games the little guy knows it has to keep playing, keep trying to jump though the most dangerous of  obstacles because the other choice of stopping, of avoiding every difficult level, would be fatal.

And most importantly:  Never let the fear that follows prevent you from making decisions you would normally make. Never, EVER let pain define your character. Doing so means you allowed it to permanently scar your identity.

Take pain for what it is, understand that it will happen again (whether its because you messed up or life just sucks), let it run though your body, let it out.

And when a new day comes: get up, smile, and keep on truckin’.